By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it would be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better," replied the Marine. The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Marine.
"How did you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."




Private Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their SGLI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Private Jones had almost A 100% record for sign-up for the insurance, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the SGLI insurance to the new recruits, and then said. "If you have SGLI and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have SGLI, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded," which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

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Oath Of Enlistment For The Branches Of The U.S. Armed Forces

U.S. AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Zoomie, swear to sign away four years of my useless life to the United States Air Force because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army and because the Marines frighten me. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously.
I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even though I believe myself to be above that.
I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I know I'm not really in the military and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than all those around me and will at all times be sure to make them aware of that fact.
After completion of my -- snicker -- "basic training," I will be a lean, mean, doughnut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chairborne Ranger. I will believe that I am superior to all others, and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with it.
I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. I consent to never getting promoted -- EVER -- and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday probably will outrank me tomorrow.
So help me God.

Signature: _________________________
Date: ________________


U.S. ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, Rambo, swear to sign away four years of my mediocre life to the United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim.
I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue telling myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my drill sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I ever will see
is a court martial for sexual harassment.
I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my sexual -- er -- I mean, BASIC training, I will attend a different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left.
On my first trip home after boot camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my ninth-grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home, because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter, better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back.
While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hours because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 hours to report back to the "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam.
So help me God.

Signature: _________________________
Date: ________________


U.S. NAVY OATH OF ALLEGIANCE
I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away four years of my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...Why not?"
I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during the summer, and for the Waffen SS during the winter.
I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, ranks and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make
absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hours every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours.
I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice each fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my
newfound "colleagues."
So help me Neptune.

Signature: _________________________
Date: ________________


U.S. MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, ________________ (state name here), swear...uhhhh...high-and-tight.......cammies...ugh...Air Force women....OORAH!
So help me Corps.

Thumb Print: _________________________
Date: ________________

---------------------------------------

Newspaper Headline: MARINE HERK NIPS STARLIFTER IN '99
FACE-OFF McGuire AFB, NJ.
A Marine KC-130 Hercules landed here early this
morning winning an unprecedented cross-country race
with a strategic airlift C-141. The Starlifter is
expected in late tomorrow following crew rest entered
when the aircraft toilet could not be repaired within
four hours of scheduled take-off time from Peterson
Field, CO. The race, run between
Travis AFB, CA and McGuire AFB, NJ was dubbed the
"Mission-Hacker's Marathon" was filled with planned
command post obstacles throughout the 10-base route.
The race required each aircraft to go through the
different locations and upload/download cargo and
personnel under challenging conditions. The
Starlifter's crew was contacted at Peterson Field just
before entering crew rest with the toilet problems.
The C-141's aircraft commander stated, "We knew it was
a critical time for such a malfunction and it probably
cost us the race, but what could we do... it just
wouldn't flush." Please congratulate the KC-130 crew
for us," she added.
The Hercules had been running approximately four
bases ahead of the Starlifter throughout the race due
to various turns of events. At the very first
station, the C-141 crew took off two hours late when
fleet service failed to bring creamer for the coffee.
Forced to remain overnight (RON) at their next stop
due to a runway that was unfortunately closed
following a C-5 landing. The Starlifter crew was
thrown even further behind when they refused rooms
they considered substandard. "The decor in that hotel
was atrocious. I mean, there were green curtains with
blue carpet," the aircraft commander fumed, adding
that, "pretty soon, they'll expect us to sleep in
tents!" The nearest available acceptable hotel rooms
were 75 miles from the base however, and forced a late
takeoff the following day.
At one point in the race it appeared the strategic
airlift crew had turned the race around when Marine
2nd Lt. Jack W. Shelton, Jr accepted a protest filed
by the crew’s parent wing commander, Col. Norman
Schaule. "I thought it unfair that the valid delays
we took should penalize us when the Marine KC-130 crew
was virtually invulnerable to them," explained Col.
Schaule regarding the protest. "I mean, Marine crews
drink yesterday's coffee and don't even care if they
sleep in a bed. They just don't understand the
philosophy of modern airlift. You can't compete with
that type of mentality," he finished. Once the protest
was accepted, the KC-130 was forced to fly the
remainder of the race with ramp down and cargo door
open, pulling deployed A-22 chutes behind the aircraft
in addition to the low speed refueling drogues being
extended. The C-141 began making up ground rapidly
and actually tied the Hercules on the seventh stop
despite another fleet service delay (no salad dressing
in the box lunches).
The telling blow, however, came in Colorado. The
KC-130 aircraft commander, Lt. I. M. Parochial,
namesake of his grandpa, was interviewed after the
flight. "Shucks. I'm just glad I could win this one
for granddaddy," the 125-hour aircraft commander said,
happily adding, "you know, we were really lucky
because the same things that happened to the other
crew could have happened to us. Luckily, however,
none of us had any money to buy any coffee or box
lunches, 'cause we lost it all in a poker game the
night before the race. I can really sympathize with
their toilet problems too, because our radio operator
forgot to bring the plastic trash bags for the "honey
bucket" and we couldn't even use ours. As far as the
rooms, we brought our tents with us. Guess you could
say we got lucky on this one."

-------------------------------------

The Navy and the Air Force headquarters staffs
decided to have a canoe race on the Potomac River.
Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak
performance before the race. On the big day, the Navy
won by a mile. Afterwards, the Air Force team became
very discouraged and depressed. The officers of the
Air Force team decided that the reason for the
crushing defeat had to be found. A "Metrics Team,"
made up of senior officers was formed to investigate
and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion
was that the Navy had 8 seamen rowing and 1 officer
steering, while the Air Force had 1 airman rowing and
8 officers and NCOs steering. So the senior officers
of the Air Force team hired a consulting company and paid them
incredible amounts of money. They advised that too
many people were steering the boat and not enough
people were rowing. To prevent losing to the Navy
again the next year, the Air Force Chief of Staff made
historic and sweeping changes: the rowing team's
organizational structure was totally realigned to one
canoe commander, one deputy canoe commander, a
steering officer, a co-steering officer, a steering
area superintendent, an assistant superintendent
steering NCO, a propulsion area superintendent and an
assistant superintendent propulsion NCO. They also
implemented a new performance system that would give
the 1 airman rowing the boat greater incentive to work
harder. It was called the "Air Force Rowing Team
Quality Program", with meetings, dinners, and a
three-day pass for the rower. "We must give the rower
empowerment and enrichment through this quality
program". The next year the Navy won by 2 miles.
Humiliated, the Air Force leadership gave a letter of
reprimand to the rower for poor performance. Initiated
a $4 billion program for development of a new
joint-service canoe, blamed the loss on a design
defect in the paddles, and issued career continuation
bonuses and leather rowing jackets to the beleaguered
steering officers in the hopes they would stay for
next year's race.
. . . meanwhile, the Army team is still trying to
figure out why the oars keep making divots in the
grass when they're rowing. . .