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The Ozarks

Not everyone in the Ozarks lives in a trailer park. There's a huge waiting list. (Nancy Norton)

China

China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you. (A. Whitney Brown)

New York

Last night, it was so cold the flashers in New York were only describing themselves. (Johnny Carson)

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. (David Letterman)

Los Angeles

L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there's a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson -- and when he shows up, they tell him there'll be a ten-minute wait. (Bill Maher)

Paris

I had a cab driver in Paris. The man smelled like a guy eating cheese while getting a permanent inside the septic tank of a slaughterhouse. (Dennis Miller)

Canada

I was coming back from Canada, driving through Customs, and the guy asked, "Do you have any firearms with you?" I said: "What do you need?' (Steven Wright)

Detroit

You think New York is bad, you ought to go to Detroit. You can go ten blocks and never leave the scene of the crime. (Red Skelton)

North Dakota

What's a seven course meal in North Dakota? A Hamburger and a six pack.